Wednesday, March 30, 2011

The Forest Through The Trees

As some of you know I have been searching for permanent employment since losing a job that I had secured in August so by the end of the summer it will have been a year. If I could have held on, my probation would have ended this month. Of course it was not to be since I was unable to keep the job due to circumstances that were under and not under my control. Since that time I have gone back and forth throughout something akin to the 5 stages of grief. I regret never fighting for the job, never defending my position or trying to explain some of the issues at hand to the supervisor. I regret that I have let it consume me so much so that I can't raise myself out of the depression that weighs me down. Part of the reason it was so very devastating for me was that I had worked for the temporary company that placed me there and they chose to not have me do temp work after losing the permanent position. This meant that not only was I going to lose more employment time as a temp since I had worked more than 20 hours a week for them but I would no longer ever see all the nurses doctors and staff that I had worked with over the course of 2 years. I had developed some wonderful friendships with supervisors, the staff and the doctors at the various clinics I was assigned to. One of them was an alumni of my college and I enjoyed working for her and her with me since we had a mutual bond together. The other day I was feeling like a modern day Job lamenting on my state in life. Then I went on a quilt retreat that at the time God was again speaking to me but I didn’t see it. I quilted, fellowshipped and generally had a good time. I never realized that the message was right in front of me “Bloom where you are planted”! Even though I continue to struggle wondering where I fit in the vast realm of things I have decided for now to bloom where I’m planted whether it’s cleaning the bathroom or washing the dog. I don’t think I will have time to grieve the loss of something that probably was not meant to be anyway and move on. Thanks for listening.

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