My father was a very charismatic man; a man that loved to talk, loved to laugh, loved to tell a story or a joke. Even though it is a great loss, it also tends to be his legacy to our family. We are reminded daily of his many pearls of wisdom he said to us when he was with us. One of my favorites was “live life as if every day is Christmas and every night is New Years Eve” which probably described him as a person and how he lived or wanted to live his life from day to day.  Never one to search and find he would always say, “Ask questions, you’re in America now.” Being one to never back down from a fight when believing I was right about something he would remind me that sometimes you could win the argument and lose the war. For that reason I try to pick my battles and only go to war over something when I truly believe I am right. Being a salesman he believed in the saying “the customer is always right”.

At some time I hope to gain greater peace about the things that I failed to talk with him about like the fact that life is not always fair and sometimes pain is a very real experience and not always as bad as it seems at the time.  I wanted him to know that it was okay to cry sometimes especially when you’re giving your daughter away in marriage, okay to feel sad like when your favorite pet dies and even though you love dogs you shouldn’t deny yourself the love of one because you will be sad when they die, okay to even share the pain of others like at funerals even though we hate going for fear of crying ourselves. I guess his pain took a back seat to what he wanted to see as reality for himself but I always hoped that he would come to a point where it wasn’t seen as such a negative experience for him.

We all think about those that went before us and reflect on what we would say or do if given a second chance. For my dad I would find a quiet place outside, maybe an empty park bench somewhere.  I would tell him that I never got to truly express to him that I love him. I would tell him how thankful I am that he loved me throughout his life especially during the times when I didn’t deserve it. I would tell him that I wished he would have taken our advice and gone to the doctor. Maybe then he would have had more time before he died.  I would thank him for making my life fun since there seems to be so little of it these days and as an adult we sometimes tend to forget how to have fun. With that being said we would stand up and I would give him something that I never could throughout most of my life; a hug. We would then part ways and walking away I would wave to him just as he waved to me so long ago standing in our back yard.  I would smile and wave and watch as he is taken up with God.